unEASY

“Was it hard to love you?”, they asked.

There were about a thousand letters I have been keeping in my heart – letters that I re-read every night but don’t intend to send you.
There were about a thousand songs I wanted to sing to you everytime we’re together – songs that remained unsung, silently playing in my head, at night when you’re sleeping, in the morning when I wake up beside you.
There were about a thousand tears I wanted to shed with you whenever you get sad or lost or defeated – tears I choose to hide behind my lonely eyes, because you needed just my strength.
There were about a thousand moments I wanted to spend with you, but only in my mind that I get a chance to; because that’s the way these pages should turn.
There were about a thousand times when loving you gets uneasy, but you see, there’s a million reasons I choose to stay, a million reasons I choose to wait.

“Was it hard to love you?”, they asked.

Be a better you, for you.

Remind yourself today to work with all your heart as if working for the Lord and not for the human masters. (Col. 3:23)
Pleasing other people is draining.
Competing with them is tiring.
Fire up the dreams in your heart;
make sure to compete with just yourself;
and congratulate yourself at the end of each day after thanking the Lord for making it through.

THE Light.

SOME people are going through battles inside of them. Battles you may not even understand. And most of them go home with no one to talk to, no one to vent out to, no family within reach to lessen the depression. I now personally understand why SOME people actually end it all by what they think is an easy way – an easy escape. It is true, you should check on the strong ones. Because sometimes or most of the time, strength is their facade to cover the faltering spirit within them. 

Be kind ALWAYS. Or at least try not to step on people by making fun of them or talk about their predicaments behind their backs. We all have different handling capacity. You do not question people who breakdown because of what you think is a petty reason. 

Proof? Look at Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. These are just SOME of the people who we see as strong and successful and accomplished but weren’t able to hold it together and gave up on life. 

Again, SOME people are going through battles you may not even understand.

Extend a helping hand.

Go after the light. Always.
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©iyadimatulac

Last midnight, I was struggling myself to sleep because of many things running in my head and all the ache running in my blood and in my whole being; so I told myself this:

“I’d pay any amount of money just to have all this pain go away.”

Then I remembered, I have no money. 

So that my friend is how I fell asleep.

Dear Love

I just want you to know that I’ve been extremely sad, because of the thought that I could never win you back.

But along the way, I’ve come to realize that I shouldn’t be sad at all. Because finally, finally, I could win myself back.

I love you, still.. from a distance.

Depression isn’t some kind of joke

​It was late night. I was lying on my bed. Knees curled up to my chest. Eyes tired from more than a month of crying. My whole body was trembling. Too afraid to call someone for help. Too exhausted to live for another day.

I was bad and unforgivable. If only I can turn back time. And undo what I did wrong. But I can’t. I just can’t.

I tried to regain a little strength. Whispered a wish no one can hear. Tomorrow when I wake up, let me forget who I am. And live like nothing has happened.

The next day, I didn’t forget who I was. But I remembered who I am. I remembered I am worthy. Not in the human eyes, maybe. I didn’t forget my mistakes. And my failures. And all the mess. I just remembered who I am. And I am not all of those. Not in the human eyes, of course.

It was late night. I was lying on my bed. Knees curled up to my chest. Eyes swollen from more than a month of crying. My body was not anymore trembling. Someone was there to help. But it was too late, I uttered.

I tried to regain a little strength. Whispered a message I hope the world could hear. Tomorrow when you wake up, remember who you are. And try your best to live.

It was late night. My body was lying on my bed.


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©iya dimatulac